Following the death of Senator Edward "Ted" Kennedy from a lengthy battle with brain cancer, conspiracy theorists around the world are struggling to find some ulterior motives behind his passing.
"This is a sad day for all of us,"said Alex Jones, a conspiracy theory guru and radio host, "I have no doubt that Ted was killed by some branch of the Illuminati, but I can't for the life of me find any evidence to support it. Not that lack of evidence has ever stopped me before."
Jones theorizes that the magic bullet which killed Ted's brother, President John Fitzgerald Kennedy, may have been so "magical" that it ripped a hole in space and time. The bullet laid dormant in the space-time continuum for 46 years until now. What doctors saw as a disease like any other, Jones sees as a blatantly obvious murder perpetrated by....someone.
"Our reptilian banker overlords have the technology and the desire to do this," added Jones, as he autographed copies of his latest book, "I'm never fooled by their shenanigans.
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