Yankees fans awoke this morning to the sorrowful news that the entire New York Yankees team was killed last night in Baltimore. The team's hotel was hit with what eyewitnesses described as "a massive barrage of lightning from the heavens", leaving local authorities to pick up the pieces.
"I know the phrase 'act of god' is most often used to describe weather," said MLB commissioner Bud Selig, "But this is more specifically an act of a very real, and incredibly vengeful god."
Onlookers watch in amazement and horror around 3AM this morning at the heavenly spectacle. According to eyewitness accounts the skies above the hotel turned a bright shade of red, and audible laughter could be heard booming through the cities. Then the lighting strikes began, and within minutes the entire hotel was ashes. One onlooker described the destruction as "like that time on CNN when we was freeing Iraq".
The tragedy was multiplied when it was learned that additional guests were present in the hotel, including Yankee broadcaster Michael Kay, Fox MLB and NFL broadcaster Joe Buck, and former Yankee great turned adult film star Reggie Jackson.
While New York and New Jersey fans mourned the loss, an impromptu parade followed by city-wide riot has been unleashed on Boston, MA. More on this as it develops.
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