New Stadium Allows Cowboys To Lose In Front Of More Fans

Texans from hundreds of miles across Texas were overjoyed at the opening of the Dallas Cowboys new $1 billion stadium last night. The stadium, named Cowboy Stadium by a local third grade shop class, held an NFL record 105,000 fans at last night's opening game, and subsequent loss to the New York Football Giants.

Cowboys owner, and part-time carnival ride operator, Jerry Jones was on-hand along side Cowboy greats Emmit Smith, Troy Aikman and Michael Irvin and other Texas celebrities. Local "President guy" George W. Bush performed the opening coin toss, but entered a confused rage when told the coin did not literally have a tail.

Following the subsequent firefight and traditional cow-hangin', a football game ensued, and the 100,000+ bore witness to the gutsy and "unconventional" decision making of Dallas quarterback Tony Romo. Romo's 3 interceptions allowed the Cowboys to seal a 1-point loss. Romo, however, was more excited about the new nickname he came up with.

"It came to me in a dream last night," said Romo in his post-game smoking jacket, "There was this weird naked Indian guy, and after we made love, he called me 'Tomo'. I told the guys about it and they agree, its hilarious."

"The hard part for the fans will be finding a way to rhyme it.", Romo added.

Jerry Jones was pleased with the outcome, and pledged to take a "money bath" as soon as he molts and sheds his skin. He then left the interview and began to rub his back on the bark of a local tree.