President Barack Obama symbolically fought a child on the White House lawn, inflicting what he called "a serious ass beating" on the confused youngster. Obama did this as a warning to all parents who have been openly criticizing his reforms, and fearing he would harm their children.
"You want to see harm? I'll show you harm!", bellowed Obama as he delivered yet another kick to the ribs of his 8 year old victim, "Do you see it? I'm literally hurting a child. Don't you all see how literal this is? This is in no way a metaphor."
Parents across the country have been taking Obama's reforms personally, and were vocal over their concerns that Obama would try to hurt their children through social programs, but they never imagined this kind of literal and blatant form of child abuse.
The child was not identified, but Obama, while sitting in his Presidential rocking chair drinking a comically large glass of iced tea, assured parents that "he could be anybody. Just you wait."
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