Governments around the world ceased all non-peaceful actions this afternoon, and rejoiced in a unified declaration of togetherness. The catalyst for this sudden change - bacon. After centuries of squabble and disagreement, world leaders from all cultures realized that there was indeed one thing they could agree on, and that is that they can't get enough of bacon.
As with most of the bright spots in history, it started with the United States.
"I was teleconferencing this morning with Hugo Chavez of Venezuela, and in the midst of our usual angry shouting match,", said President Obama, "One of my aides interrupted by delivering my breakfast, and since the meeting was going nowhere, I decided I would just eat it in front of him. And then it happened."
"I saw his plate was predominantly filled with the heavenly meat known as 'bacon', and realized that deep down, our people are not that different.", said Chavez, while slicking his hair back with lard, "It was time to change."
Within hours, news of the U.S.-Venezuala peace accord spread like a greasy fire around the globe. The Japanese leadership boarded a ship to meet for an impromptu brunch with Kim Jong-Il in the middle of the Sea of Japan. The backdrop for the event was the Korean leader dumping his nuclear arsenal into the ocean.
Even in the Islamic world, where pork is shunned religiously, there was a moment of clarity. Arab leaders admitted they had no problem with eating bacon, but had kept up appearances for years to keep a wedge between cultures, a wedge which is now shattered with the cast iron pan of world peace.
Israeli and Palestinian alike mingled in the streets like old friends. Iraqi insurgents locked arms with America G.I.'s around a steaming griddle. Even the estranged members of Pink Floyd were seen crying in each others arms above a sizzling plate.
Truly, this is a day that shall never be forgotten. The day man became one....one with bacon.
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