The man known around the world as "Smilin' Bob" from the Enzyte commercials was officially charged in New Jersey Superior Court with an earth-shattering 48 counts of sexual assault. A grand jury was convinced not only by a mountain of evidence and eyewitness testimony, but by the completely unrepentant grin of pleasure which never left Smilin' Bob's face.
Mr. Bob's attorney, H.R. MacNichols, Esq., maintained confidence in his client's innocence.
"What we have here is a case of people taking advantage of a person's celebrity status," said MacNichols with a stupid smile on his face, "Just because my client is contractually obligated to take large doses of Enzyte daily, and that he is a walking and raging erection, is purely circumstantial."
With his accusers looking on, Mr. Bob listened as the prosecutor read off the list of charges with what appeared to be a look of pleasure mixed with arrogance. Occasionally, the desk in front of him appeared to move up for a few seconds, followed by a call for recess.
"My client is not fit to stand trial," Mr. MacNicols continued, "The 'blast of confidence' which Enzyte provides him with has rendered him a walking pleasure factory, with no ability to control his actions. However, for those wondering, his penis has grown in size."
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